Just Another Rambling Mama here.
I highly suspect only my really nice friends will read this, at first and then it will just be me. Talking to myself. Online. In my own little internet corner. Yup. But... I kinda like talking to myself in corners I guess. Posting to my other blog has sometimes been my last-ditch attempt at sanity. That blog is Ember's Ashes, and is just for my daughter. There, I ramble on about my membership in an unwanted yet loving club- the Baby Loss Mamas.
I am a Baby Loss Mama. My only daughter died during labor at 37 weeks due to a missed membrane infection and cord compression. Que the winces. But I'm not just a BLM. Just like my daughter isn't just a Lost Baby, she's my princess. Always. I'm also a wife, sister, daughter, stepmom and person. I'm not the same person I was before Ember died, or from before Em lived. But I am still a person. We're not contagious. Living a nightmare doesn't mean we'll make your life one.
And now I'm also a Rainbow Mama. Rainbow Babies are the children born after the death of their sibling. They're the beautiful light after a terrible storm. They don't make the devastation of the storm go away. They don't fix things. But they are beautiful in their own right, and they are hope. My Rainbow is ten weeks old now. A beautiful splash of joy in our world. We call him Little Man. When Little Man sleeps, he looks so much like Ember it stops my breath. She was tiny though. At ten weeks old, he is almost three times as heavy as her and three inches longer. For a few moments when he sleeps, I get a glimpse of what she would have looked like as she grew. It's a blessing. A teary blessing.
And I'm also a breastfeeding, co-sleeping, part-time shampoo-free, cloth diapering, delayed vax', attachment parenting, wanna-be babywearing (sigh) crunchy mama. Lightly toasted, a very pale shade of green but with emerald aspirations. I'm dreaming of a home without tons of toxins and disposables. <3 And I'm trying to not screw up with Little Man. Easier said than done I'm afraid. Right now it's pretty easy- I give Little Man whatever he wants, as soon I know see he wants it. He doesn't cry often, usually only when we go somewhere or with gas and reflux. He's a happy, sweet chubby Little Man who's frequent smiling and laughing keeps me from totally obsessing about "am I doing it right?". But like I said.... I think this is the easy stage ;) If he could stay this tiny for a couple years, I'd love it.
So here I am, another rambling mommy talking about her attempts at a greener, healthier life and family. Hopefully I'll have something interesting to say ;)